Remember when…

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show
A window was something you hated to clean….
And RAM was the cousin of a goat…..

MEG was the name of my girlfriend
And GIG was your middle finger upright
Now they all mean different things
And that really MEGA bytes

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy
You hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You’d be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider’s home
And a virus was the flu

I guess i’ll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead

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Why Coffee is Better than Men

  1. You don’t have to put cream in your coffee to make it taste good.
  2. Coffee doesn’t complain when you put whipped cream in it.
  3. A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
  4. You won’t fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
  5. You can always warm coffee up.
  6. Coffee comes with endless refills.
  7. Coffee is cheaper.
  8. You won’t get arrested for ordering coffee at 3am.
  9. Coffee never runs out.
  10. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
  11. You can take black coffee home to meet your parents.
  12. You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
  13. You can smoke while drinking coffee.
  14. You can put out a cigarette in a cup of coffee.
  15. Coffee smells and tastes good.
  16. You don’t have to put vinegar in your coffee.
  17. If your coffee pot leaks, you can use a regular paper towel.
  18. You can always get fresh coffee.
  19. You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it’ll be hot when you get back.
  20. They sell coffee at police stations.
  21. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
  22. Coffee goes down easier.
  23. If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn’t put on weight.
  24. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
  25. A big cup or small cup? It doesn’t matter.
  26. Your coffee doesn’t talk to you.
  27. Coffee smells good in the morning.
  28. Coffee is good when it’s cold too.
  29. Coffee stains are easier to remove.
  30. Coffee doesn’t care when you dunk things in it.
  31. Coffee doesn’t care what kind of mood you’re in.
  32. Coffee doesn’t shed.
  33. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.
  34. You can’t get a cup of coffee pregnant by putting cream in it.
  35. Coffee doesn’t mind being ground.
  36. No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it better.
  37. Coffee doesn’t have a time of the month… it’s good all the time.
  38. When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
  39. When you have a coffee, you don’t end up with a pube in the back of your throat.
  40. Coffee doesn’t take up half your bed.
  41. Coffee doesn’t mind if you wake up at 3am and decide to have a cup.
  42. INSTANT COFFEE!
  43. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee.
  44. It can take up to 2 weeks for coffee to grow mould.
  45. Your coffee won’t be jealous of a larger cup.

Top10 Reasons E-Mail is Like a Penis

10. Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.

9. Those who have it think that those who don’t are somehow inferior.

8. Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s neat, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

7. Many of those who don’t have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call "E-mail Envy."

6. It’s more fun when it’s up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.

4. If you don’t take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.

3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

2. If you’re not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

And the number one reason "Why e-mail is like a penis."

1. If you play with it too much, you’ll go blind!